The wedding is one of the most important traditions of Vietnam, with many customs. Like other countries, this ceremony is one of the happiest events of one’s life. To understand more about Vietnamese weddings, have a look at the What to Know about Vietnamese Wedding Traditions and Customs guide.
Vietnamese Wedding Ceremonies
Proposal Ceremony (Cham Ngo)
As one of the most traditional wedding customs in today’s Vietnamese society, the proposal ceremony is the meeting of the two families where the groom’s family will visit the bride’s family to ask permission to get married. This ceremony often takes place without complicated rituals, and the gifts the groom’s family brings to the brides are expected to be the betel and the areca. The primary purpose of this meeting is to help both families understand the upcoming marriage. A proposal ceremony is a good start for a successful marriage.
Engagement Party (Dam Hoi)
Engagement is an official wedding announcement that often takes place half a year or a few months before the wedding. In the past, the parents arranged almost all marriages, and the children had no choice but to follow their parents’ arrangement. Thus, this ceremony is considered more important than the wedding, as it marks the start of the relationship between two families.
The engagement is a ceremony and a milestone of the bride’s life, in which she officially becomes the groom’s fiancée. Traditionally, the date for the engagement is often chosen carefully by both families based on the couples’ birthdays and the time they were given birth according to the Lunar calendar. In today’s society, engagement is not as essential as it used to be, as the bride and groom often try to reduce unnecessary customs. Many couples celebrate their engagement a few days or a month before their wedding.
The gifts usually include betel and areca, husband-wife cake (Banh phu the), wine, tea, an engagement ring, and a roasted pig. They usually go in pairs, representing the couple. The fiancé’s family prepares these gifts before the engagement, placing them in an odd number of trays and covering the whole thing with red cloth. The odd numbers and red color are believed to bring the young couple luck and happiness.
There are 5, 7, or 9 males from the fiancé’s family bringing the trays of gifts and the same number of females from the fiancée’s family receiving them. The requirement for those who bring or receive engagement gifts is that they haven’t married. These people are often the bride’s and groom’s relatives or friends.
On the engagement day, the fiancé’s family will bring their gift to the fiancée’s family. After that, the couple will pray in front of the fiancée’s family altar to ask for approval from the ancestors. After that, the fiancé can give his fiancée the engagement ring with cheers from both families. On this occasion, the bride and sometimes even the groom will wear ao dai, the traditional Vietnamese dress.
Wedding Reception (Dam Cuoi)
The date of the wedding, and also that of the engagement, is chosen carefully and usually decided by a Buddhist monk or a fortune teller. Before the wedding, the groom’s family will return to the bride’s home with betel and areca as a gift, officially asking to receive the bride. The bride’s family will confirm the wedding and other proceedings one last time.
On the wedding day, the groom’s family and some of their close friends will come and receive the bride at her house. After a formal tea and candle ceremony and some speeches, the couple will turn to their parents, receive their advice, and bow to them. The groom’s mother will give the bride jewelry for good fortune.
The wedding reception will occur at the groom’s house or a restaurant. Some weddings in the countryside often last for 2 to 3 days with many guests. Before the main ceremony, the couple will stand by the door, welcome the guests, and take pictures. As the couple walks onto the stage, the ceremony will start with the announcement of the host, followed by many cheers from guests.
After that, the couple will go from table to table to thank their guests for their attendance. Karaoke is almost essential in every Vietnamese wedding, especially in the countryside. During the reception, Vietnamese guests often enjoy signing up to sing and dance on stage to celebrate this special event.
Dos and Don’ts at Vietnamese Weddings
- Don’t bring anyone along if your wedding invitation doesn’t have a “+” sign or other names next to yours.
- Don’t get drunk at the wedding. Vietnamese often enjoy drinking beer during the wedding, and some do get drunk, but being overly drunk would annoy other guests.
- Don’t complain to the bride or the groom about the food or the quality of the wedding.
- Don’t go to a wedding if there is someone in your family who has just passed away. Vietnamese consider this an unlucky thing for the bride and groom.
- Do wear suitable clothes. Smart casual is highly recommended. You should avoid overstanding colors or clothes and let the couple have their day.
Learn more about Vietnamese superstitions
What Gifts to Bring to a Vietnamese Wedding
Money is always a welcome gift for weddings in Vietnam as it helps the bride and groom offset the cost of the wedding. You should put the lucky money into the envelope which contains the wedding invitation card. At the wedding reception, you will see the bride and groom’s relatives or friends standing next to a table with a small decorated box where you can put the envelopes. The average amount is about VND 500,000, but you can put more or less depending on how close you are with the newlywed. As that is the standard wedding procedure, if you prefer to present other gifts, you should tell the bride and groom in advance that you want to give them a present instead of money.
Other Wedding Customs in Vietnam
As a country with diverse cultures, Vietnam also has other wedding customs that are specific to certain ethnicities and religions. For example, Catholics usually hold a ceremony in the church before the wedding reception. Additionally, arranged marriages are still prevalent in some minority ethnicities. Or, in a matriarchal society like Tay Nguyen, the girl can choose her future husband and ask for his hand in marriage. If you are to attend these weddings, make sure you have the locals fully explain the traditions.
Summary of What to Know about Vietnamese Wedding Traditions and Customs
Like many other Asian countries, the Vietnamese wedding is vital for the bride, groom, and family. In modern life, the traditional wedding has gradually changed to save time and money. However, the main customs, like paying gratitude to the parents and asking for one’s hand in marriage, are still preserved.